For most of our lives, we’ve been taught the opposite.
Keep it together. Stay composed. Don’t let them see you sweat. Vulnerability has long been associated with weakness—something to hide, avoid, or mask behind confidence.
But research and real-world experience tell a different story.
In truth, vulnerability is not weakness. It’s courage in its purest form. It’s the willingness to be seen fully, even when the outcome is uncertain. It’s what builds deeper connections, trust, leadership, and authenticity.
If you’re on a journey of growth, confidence, or influence—learning to be vulnerable might be the missing piece.
What Is Vulnerability, Really?
Vulnerability is the willingness to express your thoughts, emotions, and struggles without knowing how others will respond.
It’s saying:
- “I don’t know, but I want to learn.”
- “I messed up—and I’m working to fix it.”
- “I’m scared, but I’m doing it anyway.”
- “This matters to me.”
It’s about dropping the mask and letting others see who you are beneath the armor.
As Brené Brown, researcher and author of Daring Greatly, puts it:
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
The Myths of Vulnerability
Before we dive deeper, let’s clear up a few common myths.
Myth 1: Vulnerability is Weakness
Nope. Vulnerability requires strength. It means opening yourself up to judgment, rejection, or failure—and doing it anyway.
Myth 2: Vulnerability Means Oversharing
Not quite. Vulnerability isn’t about dumping your emotions on others or revealing every detail of your life. It’s about being real and intentional in the way you show up.
Myth 3: Vulnerability Hurts Your Reputation
Actually, the opposite is true. People are more likely to trust, follow, and connect with someone who is open and honest—especially in leadership, relationships, and communication.
The Science of Vulnerability
Why does vulnerability resonate so deeply with people?
1. It Builds Trust
Research from Harvard Business School found that people who admit mistakes are perceived as more trustworthy and competent—not less.
Vulnerability creates a bridge. It signals that you’re human, relatable, and not hiding behind a façade.
2. It Deepens Relationships
Psychologist Arthur Aron’s famous “36 Questions” study revealed that vulnerability—even in brief conversations—can lead to rapid emotional closeness, even between strangers.
Opening up invites others to do the same.
3. It Fuels Growth and Learning
When you can say “I don’t know,” you open yourself up to learning. Vulnerability makes space for feedback, curiosity, and personal evolution.
4. It Increases Resilience
Vulnerability helps you process failure and bounce back. It allows you to say, “This hurts” instead of bottling it up and pretending everything’s fine.
Vulnerability in Everyday Life
Vulnerability isn’t just for therapy or deep talks—it shows up in ordinary, everyday moments. Here are a few ways you might be more vulnerable than you realize:
- Starting a conversation you’re nervous about
- Admitting you need help or support
- Expressing how much someone means to you
- Taking creative or professional risks
- Owning a mistake instead of deflecting blame
- Trying something new without knowing how it’ll go
Every time you do any of these, you’re practicing courage.
How to Practice Vulnerability (Without Oversharing)
So how do you show vulnerability without making it weird or heavy? Here’s a step-by-step approach:
1. Start Small and Safe
You don’t need to spill your life story. Start by sharing small, honest pieces of yourself.
Examples:
- “I’m still figuring this out.”
- “That kind of hurt, to be honest.”
- “This is out of my comfort zone, but I want to try.”
2. Use “I” Language
Speak from your experience—not generalizations or defenses. It sounds like:
- “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You made me feel…”
- “I’m nervous about this” instead of pretending you’re fine.
This opens the door to connection instead of conflict.
3. Match the Moment
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean sharing everything with everyone. Tailor your openness to the relationship and situation.
Ask:
- Will this help build understanding or trust?
- Is this the right time and place?
Vulnerability should be intentional, not impulsive.
4. Normalize the Uncomfortable
You can disarm awkwardness by calling it out.
Try:
- “This is kind of hard to say, but I want to be honest.”
- “This feels a little vulnerable, but I think it’s important.”
Naming the moment builds connection instead of tension.
Vulnerability in Leadership and Influence
Want to be a better leader? Show vulnerability.
In today’s world, people don’t want perfect leaders. They want real ones—people who listen, own mistakes, and create space for others to be human too.
What It Looks Like in Leadership:
- Saying “I was wrong” or “I need your input”
- Talking about lessons from failure
- Admitting when you don’t have all the answers
- Sharing your “why” and values behind decisions
This builds psychological safety—a key factor in team performance, according to Google’s massive “Project Aristotle” study.
Final Thoughts: Let Yourself Be Seen
At the heart of vulnerability is a simple idea: You are enough—even when you’re not perfect.
You don’t need to impress everyone, have all the answers, or wear a mask of control. You just need to show up, be seen, and let others do the same.
Because the truth is, vulnerability doesn’t push people away. It pulls them in. It’s not about falling apart. It’s about showing up with your whole self—even the imperfect, messy, work-in-progress parts.
And in a world full of filters and performance, that kind of honesty makes you magnetic.
E. K. Soroba